𖦹

But what do you do living on the back of a betrayal that was baked into a sweet cream butter roll

Filling squeezed and sucked out just to find some relief from your dry lips and starved tongue

Self inflicted

When my skin is just a reminder of the ways I’ve sold myself

And the curve in your spine becomes your comfort

There was a time when your toes were strawberries and my fingers berries of blue

When salvation peaked through sunlight reflected off of dripping pupils and floated into our hair like dandelions

Now there are no words and there are no eyes

There are no songs and there are no fights

Silent and still sits the raging chaos of a life created only to be escaped

𖦹

weaving bodies into the tapestry of earth as a living library blending

realms in coalescent dimensions transforming the falsehood of

binary narrative through radical honesty and embodiment of the full

and dirty shadow self as rainbow light fractals illuminate the heart

and burst through skin, glass, cream, spinning silk on prayer flames

𖦹

I think I am alone in the most beautiful possible way

I think everything I need flows to me

I know

My hands holding delicately, anticipating the melting

When I dream now I see through tulle

And I’ve become the shells in the yolk

You say its so easy

But you still don’t know what I mean

To be the punctuation

How I adore this lopsided organ

This fermented fruit

stuck in the gaps of my teeth

Punish me because my fear is erotic

Secret disgust

Where do I place something this big and soft

Move into lightness

Expanding

The expectation of a rain storm

May or may not

Ever satisfy

𖦹

I feel the lump under my skin from when I tried to control my body, contort my body, fix and pump and squeeze my body.

Now my body is not just any body

My body survived burning hot lava from the underworld and slipped out through the celestial hole

You know about the delicious nothing hole?

Come out the other end with a new body or come out the other end with no body

Im a whipped cream body, im a saltine body

Im a ‘you cant fuck me anymore’ body

Im a razor blade tongue and a razor blade laugh

You don’t need to feel sad when the sun goes down

you don’t need to feel guilty for the night.

𖦹

devotion eternal in this damning swirling pool of bodily excretion

this unholy made holy through sacraments of the deepest red heart

and whatever nonsense of “time” cannot speak for itself

we need a voice from inside the belly the spirit at the base of the

spine we need movement please put down the secret sword please

find a new maps new ways to learn to read through goosebumps

on the skin and tear drops in the mouth

𖦹

A shallow seashell sitting on a dresser beside a vanity mirror, staring at its own reflection, wondering when it will be filled with something other than jewelry and matches

I see everyone else happy and I wonder if god made me for love. Am I all used up?

I call my ex even though I’m blocked just to feel something. I astral project to an emotionally unavailable lover in another country while they lay in bed with a broken bone. I reject any and all sexual advances when I’m out dancing. I stare at people in their eyes and desperately wish I felt any type of desire toward them.

What I want is to crawl into your hands, your giant safe hands

I want to sleep there and forget time

I want to study the lines on your finger tips and float along the folds of your palms

Even sitting in your palm I burn like the sun

You don’t mind because we met walking on hot coals

The intensity of my heat keeps you so present in your body

So present here with me

And when it’s time to switch I grow as tall as the ancient tree on the island

Where our ancestors practiced shape shifting and time bending

Now I carry you in my hands, I become softer and softest when I feel the strands of your hair tickle my skin

Like a memory unraveling

A penetrating gust of wind

Bringing sweetness to what was once

Rotten Orange peels

Flowers in the trash

A turned back at night

Everything that ever broke our hearts

Sewn together with needle and thread

Stitched to the soles of our feet

𖦹

I am living liquid cement

I am sentient cement

What does not pour out of me

Pours into Earths Nothing Hole

The secret place they can’t touch, pollute, rape

Yes, there is my home in Earths sacred  Nothing Hole

Warm and wet

Shaped like a bent shell

And my body belongs to her

And she makes me empty

Just to refill every orifice

Earth and lovers alike know

I like my mouth stuffed

Mmmm

Fall back down the nothing hole

I want to marry Jupiter with sexy muscles

And a soft feminine back

I want colors bleeding from dripping fingertips and soft green sensual smiling with beautiful teeth and beautiful lips and a body I did not expect and a language I can barely speak

There is much to say without these words

There are stories written on the body

Open me

Read me

Like better than fantasy

And I want this sex to be mine so bad

My sex

Just mine

My shoulder is broken and wrists bent backwards

Empty cock sucking brain

Empty sitting on your face

Empty empty I show up empty to the hungry mouths begging to eat

Being empty is how I save me

Out of the body for pay out of the body for a fake freedom

But I want this sex to be mine so bad

My sex

Just mine

I want to be in this body oh god I want to be so deep in this body my vision blurs and cells erupt

I want warm silk and soft skin

Safety for plastic to melt

To be loved like a blade of grass